Something I delved rather too deeply into this month was the range of films released after certain characters entered the public domain, characters we cherished in childhood and still do to this day (mostly thanks to Disney), but who have been twisted and warped beyond recognition, and honestly? I’m a little obsessed with it. Are these films good? Mostly no, but they’re not necessarily supposed to be, and it doesn’t mean some of them aren’t entertaining in their own mad way. They are essentially B-movies, not intended to be blockbusters in any way, because sometimes cinema doesn’t have to be taken so seriously (don’t tell Martin Scorsese or Ridley Scott). If it were, we’d be missing out. You may also recognise actors/writers/directors doing multiple films (there are two particular strands: The Twisted Chilhood Universe and an as-yet unnamed universe of other deranged characters), which sometimes makes some of these films repetitive, so make your choices wisely! To that end, take each film with a generous pinch of salt, keep your tongue firmly in your cheek, and enjoy a monster mish-mash of mad movies!

This Horror Special consists of: Alice in Terrorland; Bambi: The Reckoning; Cinderella’s Curse; Cinderella’s Revenge; Gretel & Hansel; Hansel & Gretel; Humpty Dumpty Collection; Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare; Popeye the Slayer Man; Screamboat; Winnie the Pooh: Blood & Honey II

Director: Richard John Taylor
Writers: Richard John Taylor, loosely based on the book Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Cast: Lizzy Willis, Rula Lenska, Steve Wraith, Lila Sarner, Rikki Kimpton, Jon-Paul Gates, Nikol Atanasova, Nigel Troup

If you were thinking this might in any way be something like American McGee’s Alice dark video games, you’d be sorely mistaken but forgiven for thinking so. Alice (Willis) becomes orphaned after the death of her parents and goes to live with her estranged grandmother (Lenska). Unbeknownst to Alice, her grandmother had been estranged from her family for a good reason. This film has received generally terrible reviews, and it’s clear to see why. The marketing poster and title are quite misleading – you’ll not find much physical horror here, rather psychological terror, in that Alice’s mind is messed with by her grandmother. Perhaps awarding 2 1/2 stars is overly generous, a favourable nod to what they were trying to do in darkening the mentality of Alice, even if the main character isn’t actually Alice the character but rather a girl named after the famous character. It is certainly dark, and if it had more to the story and ran longer than 1hr 16, perhaps audiences would have more to appraise than the surface-level creeps the film provides.

Director: Dan Allen
Writer: Rhys Warrington, loosely based on the book Bambi, a Life in the Woods by Felix Salten
Cast: Roxanne McKee, Tom Mulheron, Nicola Wright, Samira Mighty, Alex Cooke, Russell Geoffrey Banks, Joseph Greenwood

What would happen if Bambi sought revenge for the death of his mate and loss of his fawn? Xana (McKee) and her son Benji (Mulheron) head to visit Benji’s dad’s family when they are attacked by a mutated Bambi, who then proceeds to follow them and attack anyone he comes across. It’s not the worst premise for a horror film based on a well-known children’s character, and it’s not badly made either. The CGI leaves something to be desired when it comes to the graphic violence, but Bambi himself is fairly well animated. The performances are also pretty average, but there’s too much going on in an attempt to add some unecessary depth to the characters. Much like the other Twisted Childhood films, it’s a fun romp for a relatively short amount of time, and works kind of well as a creature feature.

Director: Louisa Warren
Writers: Harry Boxley, Charles Perrault
Cast: Kelly Rian Sanson, Danielle Scott, Lauren Budd, Natasha Tosini, Sam Barrett, Helen Fullerton, Chrissie Wunna

In this first of two reimagined Cinderella stories in this month’s TTRs, it follows Cinderella’s (Sanson) traditional story (more or less, and with extra scenes of torture) up until it’s time to go to the ball. When her Fairy Godmother (Wunna) shows up looking just a little different to what we’re used to, she offers Cinderella an alternative wish: revenge. It’s a fine idea to warp the classic fairy tale and it does try hard to do something different, including the personality of the prince and the portrayal of the Fairy Godmother, but it ultimately becomes cliche and isn’t helped at all by weak performances and flat characters. Perhaps the budget was mostly spent on the VFX, which was generally fairly good and gruesome, but the odd CGI here and there was just that, odd and unconvincing. The sound mixing was off at points, with the diegetic music drowning out the dialogue, and it came across more like a gory Christmas panto or television soap rather than a purposefully dramatic horror film.

Director: Andy Edwards
Writer: Tom Jolliffe
Cast: Natasha Henstridge, Lauren Staerck, Stephanie Lodge, Beatrice Fletcher, Megan Purvis, Ricardo Freitas, Zach Devereux, Darrell Griggs

In this second Cinderella retelling, Cinderella (Staerck) has to fight twice as hard to get the happily ever after with the Prince (Griggs) that she desires, enlisting her very helpful Fairy Godmother (Henstridge) in doing so. This one is actually has some decently humorous moments, particularly with the Fairy Godmother and the she puts together Cindy’s outfit and ride to the ball. The ending too is actually quite hilarious, if you can look at it hte right way. The performances are fine and the characters aren’t bad, but the story is quite flat, as is the horror aspect. There are less than a handful of gruesome moments, and one or two unecessary brief sex scenes, but you get what you’re given when it’s a low budget horror like this. It’s not bad fun if you can take it for what it is.

Director: Osgood Perkins
Writers: Rob Hayes, based on the story Hansel & Gretel by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Cast: Sophia Lillis, Samuel J. Leakey, Alice Krige, Jessica de Gouw, Fiona O’Shaughnessy, Donncha Crowley, Jonathan Gunning, Charles Babalola

Everyone knows the basic tale of Hansel and Gretel, a brother and sister who meet a witch with a gingerbread house that she uses to lure in children for her to eat. The story is turned slightly on its well-known head in Gretel & Hansel. The siblings, led by Gretel (Lillis), find themselves taking refuge in the house of an old woman named Holda (Krige). She appears to overfeed Hansel (Leakey) but takes Gretel somewhat under her wing to learn witchcraft, but when Holda threatens Hansel’s life, Gretel takes matters into her own hands. It’s certainly a fresh take on the tale, adding in more fantastical elements to turn into a darker fairy tale than it already was, and it is reminiscnet of Robert Eggers’s The VVitch in its indie-folk-horror style. There are also plentiful wide shots that take in the sets and surroundings throughout. However, the mix of accents is a little jarring, and the pacing slows too often for it to remain consistently interesting. It is bookended with a good opening and solid ending, but the bulk of the story is often bogged down by too much inner monologuing from Gretel and dreary dialogue from Holda. 3/5

Director: Anthony C. Ferrante
Writer: Jose Prendes, based on the story by the Brothers Grimm
Cast: Brent Lydic, Stephanie Greco, Dee Wallace, M. Steven Felty, Steve Hanks, Clark Perry, Sara Fletcher

When their father and his new wife decide to sell their house, teenage Hansel (Lydic) and Gretel (Greco) end up fighting for their lives when they are captured by the local baker to be turned into food. This is a more interesting and fun modern interpretation of the Grimm fairytale, and even features Dee Wallace (Elliot’s mum in E.T.) as the baker (usually the witch in the story). The performances aren’t too bad, though it’s another one of those horrors that has actors who clearly aren’t teenagers playing ten years younger than they are, so you’ll have to work double time on suspending your disbelief, and it’s kind of a fun ride. It keeps up the pace pretty well so you shouldn’t find yourself bored, but if you take the whole thing with a big pinch of salt, you might be able to find some tasty morsels.

Directors: Scott Chambers (1); Jack E. Bell (2); Daniel Yates (3)
Writers: Sam Ashurst, Scott Chambers (1); Sam Ashurst (2); Harry Boxley (3)
Cast: Nicola Wright, Sian Altman, Antonia Whillans, Richard Harfst, Danielle Scott (1); Georgina Jane, Osian Dixon, Annabel Hammond, Sarah T. Cohen, May Kelly, Kelly Rian Sanson, Matthew Baunsgard, Gillian Broderick, Bao Tieu (2); Emily Webber, Callum Preville, Alina Desmond (3)

In The Curse of Humpty Dumpty, a woman with dementia tries to recall her past when she comes across a Humpty Dumpty doll she once owned. The psychological side of this film was enjoyable, but the Humpty Dumpty doll was a MacGuffin that didn’t really need to be a part of it, just as the title is kind of misleading – the need for this ‘curse’ is mostly forgotten about. The plot is alright but not well executed and is quite monotonous until the last act. (2.5/5) In The Cult of Humpty Dumpty a group of teenage girls are forced to go to a ‘green cleanse’ community to try to detox from modern life, but they are stalked by the Humpty Dumpty doll and his worshippers. Everything about the second film is just bad, from the complete lack of plot, awful camerawork and editing to the boring, pointless characters and dialogue, some terrible performances and Humpty Dumpty himself hardly worthy of being a titular character. Comes across more like a student film than a professional production in any capacity. (1/5) In The Madness of Humpty Dumpty a woman with early onset schizophrenia has some strange experiences when she moves back to her childhood home. To round out the trilogy, we have more poor performances, a weak story and barely any need for Humpty Dumpty. (1.5/5) Do yourself a favour and skip this trilogy (or just watch the first film as they’re all unrelated other than Humpty Dumpty appearing).

Director: Scott Chambers
Writers: Scott Chambers, loosely based on the book Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
Cast: Megan Placito, Martin Portlock, Kit Green, Peter DeSouza-Feighoney, Teresa Banham, Olumide Olorunfemi, Campbell Wallace, Nicholas Woodeson

Peter Pan like you’ve never seen him before. Wendy (Placito) is held responsible for her brother Michael (DeSouza-Feighoney) going missing. He has been abducted by a deranged psychotic killer calling himself Peter Pan (Portlock), and Wendy will stop at nothing to save her brother. The whole thing is psychotic indeed, with well-known characters being twisted beyond recognition, including Peter being as far removed from the boy who never grew up as he could possibly get and Tinker Bell (Green) being a transgender prisoner of Peter’s with a slight case of Stockholm Syndrome. It has supernatural elements that likely arise from Peter having a mental illness, and Wendy becomes the heroine of the piece as a regular young woman. The horror is fairly shocking, the psychological aspects are intriguing, and the performances are quite immersive. Probably the best film thus far in the TCU (Twisted Childhood Universe).

Director: Robert Michael Ryan
Writers: E.C. Segar, John Doolan
Cast: Jason Robert Stephens, Elena Juliano, Sean Michael Conway, Marie-Louise Boisnier, Mabel Thomas, Scott Swope, Steven McCormack

Who’dda thunk everyone’s favourite spinach-guzzling sailor would get the horror treatment (and more than once!)? A local legend tells of the ‘Sailor Man’ (Stephens) who haunts a spinach cannery at the docks. A group of friends, intent on making a film about the Sailor Man, break into the factory, where terror and blood awaits them. The use of Popeye as the antagonist is just a gimmick to get people to watch – otherwise, it’s just another below-average slasher with stereotypical characters and a predictable plot. There is some humour to take from it though, namely in the form of an old sailor in the local bar who continually tries to warn the young ones about the Sailor Man. As long as you don’t take any of this film too seriously, you may be able to derive some entertainment from it.

Director: Steven LaMorte
Writers: Matthew Garcia-Dunn, Steven LaMorte
Cast: David Howard Thornton, Tyler Posey, Jesse Posey, Allison Pittel, Amy Schumacher, Kailey Hyman, Sarah Kopkin, Poonam Basu

This film is every bit as silly as it sounds, but in a genuinely fun way. A group of passengers and the crew of a Staten Island Ferry come under attack by a killer rodent who is revealed to be Steamboat Willie. It is indeed a take on Walt Disney’s earliest incarnation of Mickey Mouse and it plays about with the character’s history, making much of the dialogue amusing in an obviously meta and tongue-in-cheek way. The actors’ performances are pretty good because they are very self-aware of what they’re doing, and the Steamboat Willie in this incarnation is very reminiscent of the Crack Fox from The Mighty Boosh TV show, even down to the cheeky humour of it all. On the whole, this production doesn’t take itself too seriously at all, it’s actually quite funny while being simultaneously gory and shocking, so there’s some fun to be had.

Director: Rhys Frake-Waterfield
Writers: Rhys Frake-Waterfield, Matt Leslie
Cast: Scott Chambers, Tallulah Evans, Simon Callow, Nicola Wright, Thea Evans, Ryan Oliva, Lewis Santer, Marcus Massey, Eddy MacKenzie

Winnie-the-Pooh is back, and he’s pissed. Christopher Robin (Chambers) is trying to move on with his life after the events of the first film, but the murders in the Hundred Acre Woods lead to him being ostricised by most of his community. When Pooh (Oliva) and friends return for more revenge, Christopher has to fight them off yet again while having his experiences vindicated. The previous film was, frankly, not that good, and in spite of hitting a lot of the horror film marks, it just cannot be taken seriously. This sequel, however, is a rare success story in that is better than its predecessor. The story is far more coherent, the characters and performances far stronger, the horror is more believable and less gratuitous, and they somehow managed to get THE Simon Callow onboard, which actually gives the film more legitimacy. Perhaps it’s because of the new Twisted Childhood Universe (or Poohniverse, as it’s coming to be known) of warped fairy tales and childhood characters, but it felt like Frake-Waterfield and Leslie put a lot more effort into making this a more serious horror to give more heft to what’s to come, but whatever it is, this is actually a fairly solid, if not perfect, horror film.

If you would like to ruin even more of your childhood, head on over to Terror Tapes – Childhood Ruined where you can find a section specially dedicated to fucking up your favourites!